Things 5 Strange Monsters (2019)By Tony Masiello
A small town is besieged by a horde of strange monsters who have escaped from a local research lab and go on a blood-soaked rampage. Can these genetically mutated monsters be stopped? Or will they consume all the big and busty inhabitants of the town.
Things 5 Strange Monsters is the latest entry in the Things franchise from Producer David Sterling. The original Things from 1993 is a classic of the genre and a really underrated horror anthology in my opinion. I was really excited to see this latest installment in the series, especially since it was directed by the great Joe Sherlock (Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires) who I'm a big fan of.
If your not familiar with Sherlock's work, he is an Oregon based filmmaker who specializes in cheesy B-movies that are reminiscent of the early 90's output of Fred Olen Ray. More humor than horror, his movies usually focus more on thrills and laughs than scares.
He typically casts larger ladies with even larger assets, which I have always found very refreshing. No skinny blondes with fake boobs here. Just natural women with natural curves, and there are many curves on display here.
The movie is pretty much filled with nudity from beginning to end, and I think Joe may have even broken a record for the most shower scenes in a single movie. There's four in just the first 30 minutes.
Enough of the boobs though. There are actually some monsters in the movie as well, even though they do get less screen time than the boobs. All the monsters are pretty cheesy looking but in a fun Roger Corman kind of way. You get a bug eyed monster, a hairy sasquatch looking creature with giant teeth, a vampire-esque woman, and a weird little finned monster. For the most part I dug the monsters but wished they would have gotten a little more screen time.
There's also some cool cameos including, George Stover (Desperate Living, The Galaxy Invader) and Jackie Neyman Jones (Manos The Hands Of Fate). Plus, some nice references to SOV filmmakers like the Polonia Brothers and John McBride.
Overall Things 5 is a nice, cheesy B-movie that makes for a fun watch, especially if you like big girls with big boobs. It's more comedy / softcore than horror, but Sherlock's love for genre is on full display here which hardcore B-movie fans should really enjoy.
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